There are plenty of scams involving businesses: quick change artists, people in “need,” building maintenance ripoffs, and Crook County taxes. But the most persistent one is what I call “The Copier Scam.” It’s always by phone goes pretty much like this:
“Hello, Riley’s”
“Hi, this is (insert name here) from your copier company. Can you just verify the make and model of your copier for me?”
If they’re really from my copier company, they should know that already. I know where this is going but scams evolve and I like to keep up with them. We don’t even have a copier. I give them the number from one we used to have.
“That’s that I thought. The toner for that model just had a price increase and you weren’t notified. So we’re gonna give it to you at the old price if you buy a case of it.”
Now, this old “lower” price is typically three to four times more per unit than the regular price at Staples or Office Max. They want me to buy four to twelve units of some overpriced after-market garbage that’s not going to print correctly at best or ruin my copier at worst. What they’re doing is trolling for some poor mope who’s looking to make an impression on the boss by “saving” him a ton of money on toner.
I have several ways of dealing with this. If I’m busy I tell them they should be ashamed of themselves or that they should do something anatomically impossible. If I have a little more time, when they say they’re from my copier company, I’ll interrupt and ask how “Bob’s” doing. This usually stops them cold. If they don’t hang up, they may respond with a tentative “fine.” Then I’ll tell them I heard “Bob” was in the final stages of some horrible terminal illness. That usually gets them to hang up. Other times I'll give them a model number that doesn't exist. That drives them insane searching through all their manufacturer lists. If I have a lot of time I’ll beat them down so badly on price or quantity that they have to call their manager. When he gets on the line I tell him to do something anatomically impossible.
The upshot of all this is that I’ve been around a long time and know just about every old scam there is. If it’s a new one, I can always smell it. It’s in the tone of their voice, the words they use, or the sense of urgency they try to impart. If you’re a scammer reading this or, more likely, having someone read it to you, don’t bother calling here–unless you like doing things that are anatomically impossible.
